She’s asking for a $1,250 designer diaper bag and a $3,450 Balmoral stroller. Aren’t we all? OK. So here’s the richest woman under 40 (according to the blog and Fortune magazine) lobbying her family and friends for high-end gifts that she and her husband can buy with the cash in their change purses. The blogger suggests they’re trying to be like us normal people, and they’re simply not. On the other hand, these two people have a world of friends who are in the income bracket that can afford that stuff without asking “how much?” So what’s the harm?

But why should they register for baby gifts in the first place? With the friends they have, I’d let them choose whatever they’d like to buy me. Think about it. Celebs are always falling all over each other in an effort to make the news by giving one another the biggest, the best, the most expensive whatever. Chances are J-Lo would wind up with a $5,000 diaper bag and a $10,000 stroller. Then Max throws up all over the stroller and it’s $10K worth of junk…

Ahh, you and I both know there are lots of fabulous, unique baby gifts out there that don’t cost an actor’s per-picture salary. Here are two I personally picked out for little Emme and Max. How perfect is this! The Twins Celestial Basket has little stars on the layette items! And Mother Goose on the right is a personal favorite of mine. She has a special compartment where she carries three little nursery rhyme characters, each one with their own soft book with the nursery rhyme inside. Cute definitely trumps cost!

To those of you I wrongly accused, please accept my sincere apology. The rumors don’t start with you–they start with the stars themselves, or their publicity machines to be exact. The rumors, the photos, everything begins as an opportunity for publicists to exploit their clients with the goal of inflating their stardom and popularity.

His Seed Isn’t The Only Thing That’s Planted

According to Mosnar Communications, Inc. in Atlanta, GA, “stars have an excellent opportunity to turn pregnancy rumors into positive publicity coverage.” The reason, and this makes sense, is that most fans can relate to pregnancy and are fascinated to learn that their favorite celebrities are expecting. The coverage, they say, can lead to higher stardom ranking and Hollywood list ranking. “In Hollywood, pregnancy is a huge event…using public relations to communicate with the public about pregnancy allows stars to stay fresh in the minds and thoughts of fans.”

So now we know how the baby-bump rumors really get started. And again, I apologize for ragging on the fans. The publicists lead the fans to “water,” and the fans drink willingly, waiting anxiously for their favorite celeb’s “water” to break. And now that I know the phenomenal effect that pregnancy has on a female celebrity’s career, I can’t help but wonder if some of these pregnancies are not just planned, but calculated to revive flagging popularity.

 A C-Section, A Nanny–What’s So Hard?

Before you drop by to swat me viciously with your People magazine, I clearly said “some of these pregnancies.” It’s irresponsible to generalize about the actions of any group of people, but when the simple (and pleasurable!) act of getting pregnant can have such a profound effect on both career and income, it’s not a stretch to believe that at least a few of these ego-driven divas see pregnancy as a “can’t miss” publicity stunt–even for the stars who are married!

Out here in the real world, women get pregnant because 1) they’re married and ready to start a family, 2) they’re not married, but they want children and are financially able to raise them, 3) they’re not married, not ready to start a family and not responsible enough to use protection or 4) they want as many children as possible so they can manipulate the welfare system. Among Hollywood celebrities, the first three apply, but here’s their 4) they’re in need of a nine-month boost in popularity, which they play for all it’s worth until, boom, A Star Is Born…

If you disagree with me, please let me know. I have a sneaking suspicion I won’t get one comment from any of you!

The booby boom is generating an overabundance of articles, blogs and general commentary about Halle Berry, Nicole Richie, Christina Aguilera, Heidi Klum, Jennifer Lopez and pretty much every pregnant female celebrity. Why the outpouring of seemingly salacious attention? Anyone with a modicum of intelligence knows why their breasts have “bloomed.” Perhaps a scientific explanation will take away the sexual aspect and diminish the obsession. Here goes: As pregnancy progresses, breasts become firmer and more nodular to prepare for lactation. The Montgomery’s gland surrounding the areola (the pigmented region around the nipple) becomes darker and more prominent, and the areola itself darkens. The nipples also become larger and more erect as they prepare for milk production. The blood vessels within the breasts enlarge as surges of estrogen stimulate the growth of the ducts and surges of progesterone cause the glandular tissue to expand. Prolactin, a hormone produced by the pituitary gland, initiates the growth of the mammary glands and triggers production of milk (lactation).

If you’re turned on by that, please seek professional help. Believe me, I understand the concept of breasts as an erogenous zone. In fact, I have delightful, first-hand knowledge of that fact. But having a baby is a wonderful, exciting time in a woman’s life. Instead of focusing in on her “baby bump” and expanding breasts, why not talk about all the fabulous baby toys and gifts that baby can look forward to. You get irritated with celebrities who put off announcing to the world that they’re pregnant until they can’t successfully hide it any longer. Can you blame Jennifer, Christina and the others? My guess is, it’s simply to stall as long as possible the hundreds of daily “belly and boob” updates disseminated by lascivious bloggers and article writers. Talk about big boobs…

10) Tracey Gold

I think I saw her on yet ANOTHER Lifetime special in yet another show about man-hating or maybe it was that show with the crazy chick. That describes all of their shows actually. Anyway, you may remember Tracey from her days as the whiny sister on Growing Pains. This will be Tracey’s 4th child, so it becomes very obvious that Tracey is doing much more at home than she is on screen. For Tracey, we’re going with Safari Gift Set that comes with picture frames and wooden calendars and little things she’ll need to keep track of them all.

9) Milla Jovovich

Milla Jovovich which most folks know from the movie Resident Evil is also expecting. She has an incredibly striking presence in both her look and style. It will be interesting to see how she handles the pregnancy since many are saying that she should have waited to establish herself more as an actress before getting pregnant and removing herself from the hiring pool in any upcoming films. Even her current project had some issues hiding her pregnancy. As an update, Milla just had her baby this past Sunday, so she actually shouldn’t be on this list, but that’s okay. We’ll let her slide and will also suggest that she head to Corner Stork and pick up fuzzy warm personalized baby blankets to cuddle her baby with during the upcoming winter months.

8 ) Lauryn Hill

Singer Lauryn Hill is one firey and very fertile woman. The ex-singer from the group The Fugees is expecting yet another child to add to her collection. She is expecting this her fifth child along with her boyfriend Rohan Marley (son of reggae legend Bob Marley). This will be Rohan’s 7th child with the first two coming from a previous relationship with Geraldine Khawly (Dont worry. I have no idea who that is either). Meanwhile, this was the hardest gift to pick because Corner Stork Baby Gifts really doesn’t carry any hemp products. So we’ll go with these nice baby butterfly planters so that the kid can start learning how to harvest their own “garden” along with his brothers and sisters.

7) Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Elisabeth Hasselbeck is best known for her antics on The View fighting with Rosie O’Donnel on political issues that in actuality are way over both of their heads. Either way, anyone that can go head to head with Bush critic Rosie and come out unscathed and in some folks minds, the Victor, is a feat in itself. Next stop, Mommyland. Elisabeth began her maternity leave to get ready for the upcoming birth of a Giant. A New York Giant that is. Elisabeth is married to New York Giants quarterback Tim Hasselbeck. So choosing this gift was easy. Girl or boy, this child will live and breathe football whether Elisabeth likes it or not. We choose this cushy baby football for the child to hug and squeeze. That is, until they’re ready to start their quarterback training.

6) Cate Blanchett

Cate Blanchett is the second oldest momma on this list at 38 being only beaten by Halle Berry who is 42. However, Halle’s baby is her first and this is Cate’s third with playwright Andrew Upton. Cate is fresh off of her amazing award worthy appearance in the movie Elizabeth: The Golden Age. Cate is expecting in April, so she’ll be taking a well deserved break after the lengthy filming. Her and hubby are expecting (and assuming) a boy since the first two are boys, but if it’s a girl, they’re going to have to redecorate the nursery. If it is a girl, we suggest heading over to Corner Stork and browsing through the incredible collection of baby girl gift ideas like this Baby Hugs Bunny Snuggler and tons of other awesome baby boy gift ideas too….just in case.

5) Christina Aguilera

Paris Hilton broke this secret a couple months ago even though Christina would never confirm it to anyone. Paris made the announcement in the middle of a party at a club. Well, Christina has finally broke her silence now and has come clean and announced that the reason why she’s been seen shopping for baby gifts every day this past month is because she is indeed pregnant. No way! The 26 year old singer is one amazing vocalist and with exception to J-Lo’s baby, many will be interested to see if the little one will be following in the footsteps of her mommy and become the next big singer or in the path of her papa Joseph Bratman and just produce the next big singer. For this couple, we’ll suggest the gift of this cute onesie that says it all. A Star Is Born!

4) Nicole Richie

Even though she is reportedly still smoking, she is indeed pregnant. Nicole and her fiancé Good Charlotte frontman Joel Madden are expecting their first and were even given a brand new home as a wedding/pregnancy present from her father Lionel Richie. We really want to see how this is going to work. While it’s admirable that she has at least started acting responsible as an expectant momma, she is still a party princess at heart (cigarettes and all). And her hubby can’t simply remove himself from the crazy wild life that is rock and roll. Our gift to them would be the JoJo Giraffe personalized blanket for the animal that still lives and breathes inside both of them.

3) Halle Berry

Halle Berry shocked the world announcing her pregnancy from her, um, relations with male model Gabriel Aubrey. Well, anyway, we’re still curious as to how impossibly beautiful this kid is going to be when Halle Berry is your momma and male model Gabriel Aubry is your daddy. They are also the oldest first time parent couple with Halle Berry being 41 and Aubry being 32. The biggest concern is Halle’s Type 2 Diabetes which has caused some concern about her pregnancy, but she is excited about it since she has been trying for years to get pregnant and now has the result she wants. For a gift, we’ll go with the lucky 4 leaf clover onesie, because this child is definitely her four leaf clover.

2) Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez is probably the hardest working gal in show business and her husband Marc Antony is no slouch either. Both have finished making a movie and are actively touring to support it. And during all of this time together, they managed to find time to get pregnant, which is actually probably easy to do when you’re together 24-7. Now there’s speculation that she’s carrying twins, so a lot of people are going to be very interested in seeing exactly how much of a vocal prodigy these children will be since both of her parents are world renowned singers. For this couple, we would suggest this lavender baby photo album so that they can keep their dates straight. When you’re as busy as these two, they need to make sure that they don’t forget the twins birthdays. And if one of them is a girl, we’ll be ready with all of her quinceanera needs too from My Quince Favors!

1) Pamela Anderson

And the number one pregnancy we’re curious about is of course, Pamela Anderson. Many people wonder if Pamela Anderson had lost her mind when she got married to Rick Salomon in-between her shows in Las Vegas during a 20 minute break between sets. Pamela said that she was repaying a gambling debt she had incurred and was paying it back with sexual favors and that she fell in love in the process. How sweet! Rick Salomon is best known for his co-starring role as the “guy” in the infamous Paris Hilton sex tape. Pamela herself has a sex tape with her ex-husband drummer Tommy Lee. So these video stars decided that they should marry after Pam discovered that she was pregnant. Again, how sweet! The self made porn stars want to make sure that the child is not married out of wedlock. So for our gift, we’ll choose the baby medical kit, so that the child can get used to seeing the inside of doctors offices during the weekly blood tests.

And there you have it, our top ten most anticipated celebrity pregnancies. Did we miss someone who should have been on this list?