Why the Lie?

Did Beyonce and Jay-Z think people wouldn’t be over-the-moon happy for them if they announced her pregnancy when she didn’t have much to show for it? Does drama have to be added to every celebrity’s life to keep them in the headlines? Wouldn’t the headline “Beyonce is Pregnant!” become overshadowed by the headline that reads, “Beyonce Fakes Baby Bump!”? In today’s world, when people–especially celebrities (including politicians)–are under a public microscope 24/7, why would you set yourself up for a fall (i.e. being caught in a lie, no matter how harmless)? The only reason I can muster is the old adage, “Bad publicity is better than no publicity at all.”

I Still Don’t Get It

Since when does Beyonce have trouble getting positive publicity? Even with no belly showing, her fans would have been thrilled to learn she’s going to be a mother.  For me, this whole charade reinforces the sad truth about today’s technology- and social media-driven world–we can no longer believe anything we see or hear in the media. Photoshop, film and TV technology (which produces some extraordinary movies for which we willingly suspend our disbelief), lie upon lie and audience manipulation from once-credible news agencies and, of course, the empty promises of politicians have created a world where nothing we see or hear can be trusted.

The Truth About Reality Shows

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I think you probably already know this. They’re scripted. The fights, the drama, all the issues–scripted for the most part.  Otherwise, you wouldn’t watch.  Even some of the drama on shows like “American Idol” and “Dancing With the Stars” is contrived to make “reality” more interesting to the viewers. Will that stop me from watching “American Idol” or “Dancing With the Stars”? Of course not.  I just ignore the drama and take the heartbreaking back stories for what I know they’re worth.

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Back to Beyonce

As with anything I see or hear in the media, I have no idea if the story of her bogus baby bump is true. And in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter to me one way or the other. We all believe what we want to believe, nothing more. Nothing less. Here’s something I do believe…

Beyonce and Jay-Z’’s baby will be a media darling. Even if she did attempt to fake us out, we’re tickled blue that she’s having a baby boy, and he’ll be showered with baby boy gifts! If you’re a fan and want to get “little Z” a gift, choose something sensational from The Corner Stork, one of the best online baby gift sites around! And that’s the truth!

NOT YOUR GRANNY’S LULLABIES…

Rockabye Baby Music has produced a series of CDs full of the greatest rock music in lullaby format, so they sound like a music box. Baby can groove on Jimi Hendrix, Blondie, Led Zeppelin, The Who, Queen, AC/DC, Green Day, Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Cure, Johnny Cash, Motley Crue, The Beatles, Grateful Dead, Eagles, Nirvana, Pink Floyd, Coldplay, Metallica, U2 and many others. So cool!

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

There are lots of baby gifts that pay tribute to the greatest rock artists of all time–onesies, T-shirts, pacifiers, bibs, socks and feeding sets. You can even get mom an AC/DC or KISS diaper bag to tote all this neat stuff. And of course, you can always get something that lets ‘em sound off on where they got those hip genes…
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And she’s taking care of…

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She’s asking for a $1,250 designer diaper bag and a $3,450 Balmoral stroller. Aren’t we all? OK. So here’s the richest woman under 40 (according to the blog and Fortune magazine) lobbying her family and friends for high-end gifts that she and her husband can buy with the cash in their change purses. The blogger suggests they’re trying to be like us normal people, and they’re simply not. On the other hand, these two people have a world of friends who are in the income bracket that can afford that stuff without asking “how much?” So what’s the harm?

But why should they register for baby gifts in the first place? With the friends they have, I’d let them choose whatever they’d like to buy me. Think about it. Celebs are always falling all over each other in an effort to make the news by giving one another the biggest, the best, the most expensive whatever. Chances are J-Lo would wind up with a $5,000 diaper bag and a $10,000 stroller. Then Max throws up all over the stroller and it’s $10K worth of junk…

Ahh, you and I both know there are lots of fabulous, unique baby gifts out there that don’t cost an actor’s per-picture salary. Here are two I personally picked out for little Emme and Max. How perfect is this! The Twins Celestial Basket has little stars on the layette items! And Mother Goose on the right is a personal favorite of mine. She has a special compartment where she carries three little nursery rhyme characters, each one with their own soft book with the nursery rhyme inside. Cute definitely trumps cost!

To those of you I wrongly accused, please accept my sincere apology. The rumors don’t start with you–they start with the stars themselves, or their publicity machines to be exact. The rumors, the photos, everything begins as an opportunity for publicists to exploit their clients with the goal of inflating their stardom and popularity.

His Seed Isn’t The Only Thing That’s Planted

According to Mosnar Communications, Inc. in Atlanta, GA, “stars have an excellent opportunity to turn pregnancy rumors into positive publicity coverage.” The reason, and this makes sense, is that most fans can relate to pregnancy and are fascinated to learn that their favorite celebrities are expecting. The coverage, they say, can lead to higher stardom ranking and Hollywood list ranking. “In Hollywood, pregnancy is a huge event…using public relations to communicate with the public about pregnancy allows stars to stay fresh in the minds and thoughts of fans.”

So now we know how the baby-bump rumors really get started. And again, I apologize for ragging on the fans. The publicists lead the fans to “water,” and the fans drink willingly, waiting anxiously for their favorite celeb’s “water” to break. And now that I know the phenomenal effect that pregnancy has on a female celebrity’s career, I can’t help but wonder if some of these pregnancies are not just planned, but calculated to revive flagging popularity.

 A C-Section, A Nanny–What’s So Hard?

Before you drop by to swat me viciously with your People magazine, I clearly said “some of these pregnancies.” It’s irresponsible to generalize about the actions of any group of people, but when the simple (and pleasurable!) act of getting pregnant can have such a profound effect on both career and income, it’s not a stretch to believe that at least a few of these ego-driven divas see pregnancy as a “can’t miss” publicity stunt–even for the stars who are married!

Out here in the real world, women get pregnant because 1) they’re married and ready to start a family, 2) they’re not married, but they want children and are financially able to raise them, 3) they’re not married, not ready to start a family and not responsible enough to use protection or 4) they want as many children as possible so they can manipulate the welfare system. Among Hollywood celebrities, the first three apply, but here’s their 4) they’re in need of a nine-month boost in popularity, which they play for all it’s worth until, boom, A Star Is Born…

If you disagree with me, please let me know. I have a sneaking suspicion I won’t get one comment from any of you!

Anyway, Britney Spears was seen at Petit Tresor, which is a super high end baby store that is the essence of expensive baby gifts. She bought a huge amount of gifts including cashmere outfit, high end baby bottles, and some baby blankets and baby bibs.

We are so happy that she is still doing so financially sound that she can throw away money without a second thought. We just wish that her adviser would have explained to her that she could have saved hundreds of dollars by just visiting Corner Stork Baby Gifts and buying directly from their online store. Not only would she have saved a substantial amount of money, but she also would have been able to shop from the comfort of her home and avoided all of the crazy paparazzi.

Lily is also starting a show that will air on BBC Three called Lily Allen and Friends which will be a show along the lines of “The View”. Lily has already announced that she only wants to release one more album and then leave the music business altogether, but that will be doubtful since apparently her contract states otherwise, baby or not. Not to belay the fact that many people are itching to hear her sophomore effort and if it goes well, she has years ahead of her. Don’t think she’ll be able to pull off what Edie Brickell did by marrying Paul Simon and disappearing into the background.

On the health side, many were amazed at her weight loss, which made her a fashion designers dream, but she said it was for health reasons and not for the public. Mrs. Allen has a heart murmur that was made known in the Summer of 2007 and she’s simply trying to live right. Although, Lily does have the nasty habit of smoking and has yet to kick that monkey, but with baby in tow, the smoke free lifestyle should be right around the corner.

The booby boom is generating an overabundance of articles, blogs and general commentary about Halle Berry, Nicole Richie, Christina Aguilera, Heidi Klum, Jennifer Lopez and pretty much every pregnant female celebrity. Why the outpouring of seemingly salacious attention? Anyone with a modicum of intelligence knows why their breasts have “bloomed.” Perhaps a scientific explanation will take away the sexual aspect and diminish the obsession. Here goes: As pregnancy progresses, breasts become firmer and more nodular to prepare for lactation. The Montgomery’s gland surrounding the areola (the pigmented region around the nipple) becomes darker and more prominent, and the areola itself darkens. The nipples also become larger and more erect as they prepare for milk production. The blood vessels within the breasts enlarge as surges of estrogen stimulate the growth of the ducts and surges of progesterone cause the glandular tissue to expand. Prolactin, a hormone produced by the pituitary gland, initiates the growth of the mammary glands and triggers production of milk (lactation).

If you’re turned on by that, please seek professional help. Believe me, I understand the concept of breasts as an erogenous zone. In fact, I have delightful, first-hand knowledge of that fact. But having a baby is a wonderful, exciting time in a woman’s life. Instead of focusing in on her “baby bump” and expanding breasts, why not talk about all the fabulous baby toys and gifts that baby can look forward to. You get irritated with celebrities who put off announcing to the world that they’re pregnant until they can’t successfully hide it any longer. Can you blame Jennifer, Christina and the others? My guess is, it’s simply to stall as long as possible the hundreds of daily “belly and boob” updates disseminated by lascivious bloggers and article writers. Talk about big boobs…

10) Tracey Gold

I think I saw her on yet ANOTHER Lifetime special in yet another show about man-hating or maybe it was that show with the crazy chick. That describes all of their shows actually. Anyway, you may remember Tracey from her days as the whiny sister on Growing Pains. This will be Tracey’s 4th child, so it becomes very obvious that Tracey is doing much more at home than she is on screen. For Tracey, we’re going with Safari Gift Set that comes with picture frames and wooden calendars and little things she’ll need to keep track of them all.

9) Milla Jovovich

Milla Jovovich which most folks know from the movie Resident Evil is also expecting. She has an incredibly striking presence in both her look and style. It will be interesting to see how she handles the pregnancy since many are saying that she should have waited to establish herself more as an actress before getting pregnant and removing herself from the hiring pool in any upcoming films. Even her current project had some issues hiding her pregnancy. As an update, Milla just had her baby this past Sunday, so she actually shouldn’t be on this list, but that’s okay. We’ll let her slide and will also suggest that she head to Corner Stork and pick up fuzzy warm personalized baby blankets to cuddle her baby with during the upcoming winter months.

8 ) Lauryn Hill

Singer Lauryn Hill is one firey and very fertile woman. The ex-singer from the group The Fugees is expecting yet another child to add to her collection. She is expecting this her fifth child along with her boyfriend Rohan Marley (son of reggae legend Bob Marley). This will be Rohan’s 7th child with the first two coming from a previous relationship with Geraldine Khawly (Dont worry. I have no idea who that is either). Meanwhile, this was the hardest gift to pick because Corner Stork Baby Gifts really doesn’t carry any hemp products. So we’ll go with these nice baby butterfly planters so that the kid can start learning how to harvest their own “garden” along with his brothers and sisters.

7) Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Elisabeth Hasselbeck is best known for her antics on The View fighting with Rosie O’Donnel on political issues that in actuality are way over both of their heads. Either way, anyone that can go head to head with Bush critic Rosie and come out unscathed and in some folks minds, the Victor, is a feat in itself. Next stop, Mommyland. Elisabeth began her maternity leave to get ready for the upcoming birth of a Giant. A New York Giant that is. Elisabeth is married to New York Giants quarterback Tim Hasselbeck. So choosing this gift was easy. Girl or boy, this child will live and breathe football whether Elisabeth likes it or not. We choose this cushy baby football for the child to hug and squeeze. That is, until they’re ready to start their quarterback training.

6) Cate Blanchett

Cate Blanchett is the second oldest momma on this list at 38 being only beaten by Halle Berry who is 42. However, Halle’s baby is her first and this is Cate’s third with playwright Andrew Upton. Cate is fresh off of her amazing award worthy appearance in the movie Elizabeth: The Golden Age. Cate is expecting in April, so she’ll be taking a well deserved break after the lengthy filming. Her and hubby are expecting (and assuming) a boy since the first two are boys, but if it’s a girl, they’re going to have to redecorate the nursery. If it is a girl, we suggest heading over to Corner Stork and browsing through the incredible collection of baby girl gift ideas like this Baby Hugs Bunny Snuggler and tons of other awesome baby boy gift ideas too….just in case.

5) Christina Aguilera

Paris Hilton broke this secret a couple months ago even though Christina would never confirm it to anyone. Paris made the announcement in the middle of a party at a club. Well, Christina has finally broke her silence now and has come clean and announced that the reason why she’s been seen shopping for baby gifts every day this past month is because she is indeed pregnant. No way! The 26 year old singer is one amazing vocalist and with exception to J-Lo’s baby, many will be interested to see if the little one will be following in the footsteps of her mommy and become the next big singer or in the path of her papa Joseph Bratman and just produce the next big singer. For this couple, we’ll suggest the gift of this cute onesie that says it all. A Star Is Born!

4) Nicole Richie

Even though she is reportedly still smoking, she is indeed pregnant. Nicole and her fiancé Good Charlotte frontman Joel Madden are expecting their first and were even given a brand new home as a wedding/pregnancy present from her father Lionel Richie. We really want to see how this is going to work. While it’s admirable that she has at least started acting responsible as an expectant momma, she is still a party princess at heart (cigarettes and all). And her hubby can’t simply remove himself from the crazy wild life that is rock and roll. Our gift to them would be the JoJo Giraffe personalized blanket for the animal that still lives and breathes inside both of them.

3) Halle Berry

Halle Berry shocked the world announcing her pregnancy from her, um, relations with male model Gabriel Aubrey. Well, anyway, we’re still curious as to how impossibly beautiful this kid is going to be when Halle Berry is your momma and male model Gabriel Aubry is your daddy. They are also the oldest first time parent couple with Halle Berry being 41 and Aubry being 32. The biggest concern is Halle’s Type 2 Diabetes which has caused some concern about her pregnancy, but she is excited about it since she has been trying for years to get pregnant and now has the result she wants. For a gift, we’ll go with the lucky 4 leaf clover onesie, because this child is definitely her four leaf clover.

2) Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez is probably the hardest working gal in show business and her husband Marc Antony is no slouch either. Both have finished making a movie and are actively touring to support it. And during all of this time together, they managed to find time to get pregnant, which is actually probably easy to do when you’re together 24-7. Now there’s speculation that she’s carrying twins, so a lot of people are going to be very interested in seeing exactly how much of a vocal prodigy these children will be since both of her parents are world renowned singers. For this couple, we would suggest this lavender baby photo album so that they can keep their dates straight. When you’re as busy as these two, they need to make sure that they don’t forget the twins birthdays. And if one of them is a girl, we’ll be ready with all of her quinceanera needs too from My Quince Favors!

1) Pamela Anderson

And the number one pregnancy we’re curious about is of course, Pamela Anderson. Many people wonder if Pamela Anderson had lost her mind when she got married to Rick Salomon in-between her shows in Las Vegas during a 20 minute break between sets. Pamela said that she was repaying a gambling debt she had incurred and was paying it back with sexual favors and that she fell in love in the process. How sweet! Rick Salomon is best known for his co-starring role as the “guy” in the infamous Paris Hilton sex tape. Pamela herself has a sex tape with her ex-husband drummer Tommy Lee. So these video stars decided that they should marry after Pam discovered that she was pregnant. Again, how sweet! The self made porn stars want to make sure that the child is not married out of wedlock. So for our gift, we’ll choose the baby medical kit, so that the child can get used to seeing the inside of doctors offices during the weekly blood tests.

And there you have it, our top ten most anticipated celebrity pregnancies. Did we miss someone who should have been on this list?

Here’s my letter to Britney that documents what it will take to salvage her career and my oath.

Dear Britney,
Please stop. Letting Kevin take custody of the kids makes you look like a waste of oxygen. You carried these children in your body. You gave birth to them and brought them into this world. You enjoyed the attention that the pregnancy gave you, but now that part is over. Now it’s time to be a parent to these children. Do you think that handing the kids over to Kevin or some “Nanny for Hire” sheds a positive light on you? Just because it freed up time for you to go out and have fun does not make things okay. Who is honestly going to go out and buy your album? Do you think people will support your shopping habits and help someone who abandons their children? You’re heading into a very dark place and there’s no way that you can continue on the path you’re on and come out on the other side in a positive light.

Here’s what you need to do to salvage your career.

1. Leave L.A.. – Pack your bags. Concentrate on getting out of the spotlight so that you know what it’s like to be human again. Concentrate on being a parent and learning how to get in touch with your maternal instincts. That splinter of crazy you’re feeling clawing at the back of your skull? That’s your maternal instincts kicking and screaming. Answer the door and use them.
2. Stay out of the limelight. - Stay away from the press at all costs. Take a couple of years or more to focus on your kids. Focus on raising them and giving them some semblance of a normal life. No matter how far you try to run away or how many shoes you buy, those are still your children and that will never change. So you need to decide if you’re that mother that abandoned her kids like some animal or if you’re going to be an adult and support the decisions that you’ve made. Those boys had no choice, but you did. There’s a reason why you can’t find one single positive story about you in the past year. Stop giving them headlines.
3. Use the free time. – Whatever time you have left over from parenting does not need to be used going out shopping or partying. You’ve done enough of that. Use the free time to teach yourself guitar and start writing your own music. Put your feelings onto paper and use that raw emotion to write great music. We all know that you’re talented, so watching you abuse yourself and neglecting your artistic abilities along with your responsibilities is too painful to watch.
4. Get your head on straight – Seek professional help. I’m not saying you’re crazy, but you’re definitely acting crazy. Your head is filled with so many demons right now, that you’re looking like someone who has lost their mind. At this point, nobody would be shocked if you were found dead in a hotel room overdosed on prescription pills. You need to talk with somebody. A professional psychiatrist or psychologist who can help you handle the emotions that you’re fighting with every day. Not everybody is out to get you and there are plenty of professionals out there who would be very willing to help you. You could get a year’s worth of professional help for the cost of what you’re spending each day at the stores.
5. Come back. – Once you’ve spent a couple years (preferably more like 4) out of the spotlight, then you can come back onto the scene. Girl, you need to get your head back on straight. There are millions of people who like your music, but none of them want anything to do with you. No one wants to see you on this destructive path you’re on and anyone who supports you during this time would only be making things worse. You need to stop and stop now. Your true fans will wait a few years for a good album, if that’s what makes you better.
6. Just get better, Britney.

And as an entertainment reporter, I am no longer going to write anything more about Britney Spears destructive behavior. I can’t stand to watch this anymore and if I keep reporting on you, I’m only adding to the mess. The next story I write will be a positive one about Britney’s recovery from the abyss and hopefully not about her untimely suicide or death. I implore all reporters and photographers to leave this woman alone and all publishers to stop paying so much money for pictures of her to destroy this person or document her every move. Her demise will be on your own head and all of you should be ashamed of yourselves. This has gone too far and this is my last story on her until something positive happens.

Mr. Christopher signing off.

MRC

Oh……My…….God.

I think we’re at a breaking point where this chick has so much coverage that we all will know how many squares of toilet paper she uses after she tinkles. But maybe we’re finding out way too much about this girls character. Some women have maternal instincts, but this girl has some sort of jungle thing going on. Mate, drop baby in field, move on. She is shown showing more concern for her little dogs than she does for her kids.

So what has she done to offset this situation? She’s been singing and dancing in her car, smiling non-stop, shopping like crazy and exclaimed, “I am SO happy” in front of swells of people in a Malibu parking lot. Additionally she’s out partying with her sister Jamie Lynn (who also stars on Nickelodeon’s Zoey101) where they were out so late that they miss her first visitation with her kids. She shows no concern whether or not she see sher kids and is much happier when they aren’t around and that may be the best thing right now. Especially when she’s on her cell phone during most of her visitations.

I personally think this girl has lost her mind. She was not ready to be a parent and simply was not ready to make the move from mega-superstar to Mommy. But once you make that decision, there’s no turning back. She desperately needs intervention because 5 years down the road she’s going to realize how big of a mistake she’s making by practically disowning her kids. Just because you have somewhere to store your children while you get your groove on does not make it right. She’s going to have a rude awakening and when she does, she’s going to have a complete and total breakdown. She is some sort of complete denial as if she doesn’t even want to be reminded of her kids or her situation. If the boys are out of sight, they are out of mind and that is not good. Ignorance is bliss. On top of that, she is going to hit rock bottom when she comes to that realization.

When I started covering this, I thought I would just be declaring another bizarre Britney incident, but the more I look at this, the more concerned I am that she is going to self destruct. I shouldn’t even care, but being a parent causes me to view this in a different light. Thank God that the boys have a semi-stable place to be during her breakdown. They need to be kept out of harm’s way because Britney is a ticking time bomb. Dr. Phil says we should keep her on “suicide watch”. I couldn’t agree more.